It''s 2 AM here. Instead of sleeping, I am writing. My back, chest and stomach all decided to have a bit of fun tonight. It hurts to breathe, hurts to move. It's all GP's fault.
If you can remember back to my catch up posts from last summer, you might remember that I spent a chunk of April coughing my lungs out. Then I spent a week in the hospital trying to figure out why but no answers were found. When I got home, the cough came too. It hung out until the end of September, after I had the stimulator put in. It had gotten dramatically better. Until about two weeks ago.
It's back. Just as obnoxious. Just as seemingly unsolvable. I am on a long steroid taper because first we thought it was my asthma, then when I didn't respond, we lengthened the time frame to ensure adequate absorption by my broken stomach. When I still didn't respond we started a moderate-strength antibiotic. No dice.
So today, I went and had a chest x ray taken and then schlepped to see Dr, Lungs. Good news is I don't have any infection. Bad news is we have really no earthly clue what is wrong. Our best guess is bronchospasm triggered by reflux. My reflux is 100% gastroparesis caused. See? It's all GP's fault. So, for now I've been put on liquid morphine to try to turn my unbelievably touchy cough receptors off. He also mentioned admitting me several times. Not sure what the point would be, if we can't fix it. If I can't tolerate the morphine, or don't sleep well soon, I might be forced in that direction. I'm so tired. This is not a life. This is a miserable existence. I don't want to do it anymore.
Fuck you gastroparesis!
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