As I sit on the threshold of a new year, I am doing what many are doing tonight. I'm looking back on the year nearly over. I am marveling at the struggles 2012 brought for me, medically, professionally, and personally. With all this reflection I'm left wondering how the hell am I still standing? How did I not crumble? The answer is astonishingly simple. I was unwilling to make a choice that was anything but getting on with it.
Lest you have forgotten what I fought through in 2012 here it is again.
I was admitted to the hospital three times this year. I spent a total of 12 days in the hospital. I had two major surgeries this year, separated by just three months. Collectively, these procedures meant I lost a month worth of work time.
I had another gastric emptying study, an MRI, a head CT, a chest X-Ray, a Ph-probe study, a swallow study, an endoscopy, an MRA, and two doppler ultrasounds. I wore a Foley catheter for six days. I had testing of my bladder function. I now take nine different medications a day and two more as needed.Yes, I remembered all of that on my own, though I do have it written down for when I see a new doctor.
Speaking of doctors, my team grew by three this year. I now see: a primary doctor, two gastroenterologists (a general GI and one who specializes in gastroparesis and nutrition support.) a pulmonologist and a uroligist.
Yet despite all of that, I have excelled at my job I'm doing so well that I got a performance award during my year-end review in November. I have the best work family I could ask for. I am valued for what I bring to my job, and am missed when I can't be there.
So, while this year may well have been the hardest of my life, I made it through. 2013 is shaping up to start off just as roughly as I will be starting Total Parentral Nutrition (IV nutrition) in the coming days or weeks. I will make it through that too. As I tell everyone who stands in awe of my strength or courage or bravery, there is simply no other good choice. Just do it!
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Grateful Despite It All.
Well, it's Thanksgiving-eve here in the States. Thanksgiving was one of my favorite holidays growing up. We went to my grandparents every year, Thanksgiving was one thing that was cool after my parents' divorce. We got twice the turkey! What could be better than that.
My experience of Thanksgiving has changed over the last couple of years. Last year was the first year I wasn't going home for Thanksgiving. It was also my first Thanksgiving with gastroparesis, though I didn't know that for certain. I spent the day with a friend, ate, talked and laughed. Yes, the holiday is food centric, but I managed to find joy in the face of uncertainity. This year I will spend the day with that friewnd, eat, talk and laugh. Even though the uncertainity of awaiting diagnosis has been removed, parts of the road ahead are still obscured by the shadow of the unknown. That's OK though. I have so much to be grateful for.
I am grateful for recently renewed friendships. I make a habit of pushing people away, then being surprised when I find myself alone. I have been shown the value of having people in my corner and I value their friendship more than they will ever know.
I'm grateful to my work family. They support day-to-day so that I can still contribute. The friends there give me a safe place to fall apart when I need to. My supervisor couldn't be more understanding. I truly lucked out.
I am grateful to my awesome team of specialists, While sometimes it can feel like they're groping for answers right along with me, I know that by-and large, they really care and want to give me the highest quality of life possible.
I am grateful for my life. As hard as it is, as fraught with uncertanity as it is, I have a purpose. I don't quite believe that everything happens for a reason, but if anything has brought me closer to beliving that it is this last year and a half.
Yes, Thanksgiving is going to be different this year, but so am I. Just like last year, I will find joy amid the grief.
Happy Thanksgiving!
My experience of Thanksgiving has changed over the last couple of years. Last year was the first year I wasn't going home for Thanksgiving. It was also my first Thanksgiving with gastroparesis, though I didn't know that for certain. I spent the day with a friend, ate, talked and laughed. Yes, the holiday is food centric, but I managed to find joy in the face of uncertainity. This year I will spend the day with that friewnd, eat, talk and laugh. Even though the uncertainity of awaiting diagnosis has been removed, parts of the road ahead are still obscured by the shadow of the unknown. That's OK though. I have so much to be grateful for.
I am grateful for recently renewed friendships. I make a habit of pushing people away, then being surprised when I find myself alone. I have been shown the value of having people in my corner and I value their friendship more than they will ever know.
I'm grateful to my work family. They support day-to-day so that I can still contribute. The friends there give me a safe place to fall apart when I need to. My supervisor couldn't be more understanding. I truly lucked out.
I am grateful to my awesome team of specialists, While sometimes it can feel like they're groping for answers right along with me, I know that by-and large, they really care and want to give me the highest quality of life possible.
I am grateful for my life. As hard as it is, as fraught with uncertanity as it is, I have a purpose. I don't quite believe that everything happens for a reason, but if anything has brought me closer to beliving that it is this last year and a half.
Yes, Thanksgiving is going to be different this year, but so am I. Just like last year, I will find joy amid the grief.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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