In the last two years, my conception of time has changed dramatically.Before GP, my day was governed by mealtimes, commute schedules, TV shows and sports events. Now, my life revolves around med schedules, nursing schedules and when I need to take TPN out of the refrigerator.I don't need a clock to tell me when four hours has passed. My escalating nausea level does that for me. I don't need to know when typical mealtimes are, I no longer feel hunger. On the rare occasion that I do, the urge doesn't last more than about five minutes leaving me little time to actually act on it.
Other than the practical day-to day realities of time when living with chronic illness, time plays a huge role in my life with both illness and disability. At the beginning of my journey with gastroparesis, I kept waiting for this horrendous "stomach thing" to go away. That's why I didn't dash right to the doctor. No one thinks that a symptom like nausea will become chronic and will effectively ruin your life, Once I realized I needed help, time seemed to crawl. I was always waiting. Waiting to see that first clueless GI. Waiting for the things he told me to do to help me. Waiting to see the second GI. Waiting for the testing to be done and then the results to come back.
Even after my diagnosis, I was still perpetually waiting. Waiting to see the Motility Specialist. Waiting for the testing the surgeon needed to be done and results to come back. Waiting for surgery dates. Waiting to recover. Waiting to see if I had any improvement from a surgery. I'm still there when it comes to the stimulator. I ask myself daily WHEN will it start working? When will I be able to ditch TPN? If anyone could tell me that, it would make the huge changes I've been forced to make to accommodate the need for TPN worth it. All of this waiting has got to be worth something, If not, I'll feel like all of this has been a waste of time.
I'm tired of waiting.Get with the program body.
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