The Hardest Year:2012 in Review

As I sit on the threshold of a new year, I am doing what many are doing tonight. I'm looking back on the year nearly over. I am marveling at the struggles 2012 brought for me, medically, professionally, and personally. With all this reflection I'm left wondering how the hell am I still standing? How did I not crumble? The answer is astonishingly simple. I was unwilling to make a choice that was anything but getting on with it.

Lest you have forgotten what I fought through in 2012 here it is again.

I was admitted to the hospital three times this year. I spent a total of 12 days in the hospital. I had two major surgeries this year, separated by just three months. Collectively, these procedures meant I lost a month worth of work time.

I had another gastric emptying study, an MRI, a head CT, a chest X-Ray, a Ph-probe study, a swallow study, an endoscopy, an MRA, and two doppler ultrasounds. I wore a Foley catheter for six days. I had testing of my bladder function. I now take nine different medications a day and two more as needed.Yes, I remembered all of that on my own, though I do have it written down for when I see a new doctor.

Speaking of doctors, my team grew by three this year. I now see: a primary doctor, two gastroenterologists (a general GI and one who specializes in gastroparesis and nutrition support.) a pulmonologist and a uroligist.


Yet despite all of that, I have excelled at my job I'm doing so well that I got a performance award during my year-end review in November. I have the best work family I could ask for. I am valued for what I bring to my job, and am missed when I can't be there.

So, while this year may well have been the hardest of my life, I made it through. 2013 is shaping up to start off just as roughly as I will be starting Total Parentral Nutrition (IV nutrition) in the coming days or weeks. I will make it through that too. As I tell everyone who stands in awe of my strength or courage or bravery, there is simply no other good choice. Just do it!

On Sandy Hook.

On Friday, tragedy was visited on the U.S. once again. A young man broke into a school in Connecticut. He walked into a classroom of Kindergarteners and opened fire. He left 20 children and six adults dead in his wake before taking his own life.

The thing that breaks my heart the most about this incident is how close to the holidays it is. Five and six-year olds are the one who believe most reverently in Santa, Rudolph and the magic of Christmas . One desperately ill man's act of violence has effectively ruined Christmastime for twenty-six families from now on. Instead of counting down the days until Santa comes, families are planning funerals. For what purpose? What message could you possibly send through an act like that? Just senseless.

I  know I'm kind of late in posting something, but I have only just begun to process  what happened. I can only hope the families affected can find some measure of peace in these dark days, I hope that promises made in regards to the necessary policy changes will be made real. In the wake of this event everything from school safety, gun control and mental health service provision will come under scrutiny.

Something's got to give.